"Not Until I was a Father"
Proverbs 10:1 KJV
The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
When I was young and single, I had strong convictions and firm on my decision making. But when I got married, some of the decisions I had to make, my wife did them for me, and my strong convictions seemed to falter. When I began to be a father, I changed my perspective and outlook in life. I started focusing on my children and not myself.
My children broke me as they grew up. When I was single, I was in control of everything, when I became married and had children, two forces were controlling me, without me knowing it- my wife and my children. I have to get my wife into agreement with me in everything that needs to be done at home, and for our children. My children will tell me where to go, where and when to pick them up, and demand or ask for something I don't have.
After they were done in college and found a good paying job, or found the person they love, and made it in life; I can't even get a lift, set a schedule with them, or set up a dinner with them. Now, I felt like my strong personality, firm and strong conviction, and being firm in decision making seemed like a marshmallow. I even have to wait patiently for their answers to my texts and calls, if 'I got the fortune' as they say.
When I first saw my first grandchild, I felt like a little kid, I wanted to cry, but I was ashamed to be seen by people around me. I cried within, in control, and I had tears of joy and happiness within me. Now my grandchildren made me even weaker and I felt like they were in control of me. They tell me what they like and I give it to them- no question asked. I gave them what they want even chocolate before bed, of which it was a "No- no" to my children when they were little.
The feeling of doing more for my grandchildren is more fulfilling than storing my personal convictions and desires. Seeing them happy, enjoying what they got from me is more fulfilling than keeping what I have. My grandchildren broke my stoned heart, and my pride. They are my treasure that money can't buy. It's a joy that can't be explained to someone who does not have one. They humbled me and I know it's God at work.
I may sound like I'm complaining, pouting or in disgust of life; but it's a reality we went through life, and I am just drawing a picture of YOU in words. Our arrogance, pride, strong willed, and stupidity will someday come to pass. Sometimes fathers realized it "Not Until They Became Fathers…" Thanks be to God, we have fathers who love their families, and kneel humbly to God for change and for His glory.
This "Fathers Day", remember your "Dad" who sacrificed to take you where you are right now. God entrusted you to your father on earth, and if he failed, forgive. If he was irresponsible, learn good things from it. If he was violent and bad; love him, go the opposite way, and be different. If he was negative, be positive. If he made it hard for you, make it easy for your children. Remember, he is your father, and will always be your "father".
Happy and Blessed Father's Day!
Stay Safe, Stay Healthy, and Be Nice to Your Dad,
Ely Roque Sagansay
Minister/Author
#Boklit
